


Vaxus Trevelyan: Angsty Edition

by andrasstaie



Series: To Ajir, With Love [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hurt No Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-04-14 04:10:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4549887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrasstaie/pseuds/andrasstaie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of short fics and drabbles for all your sad, angsty needs and desires featuring the darling Vaxus Trevelyan and love of his life, Dorian Pavus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Slow Descent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian knew going into the Deep Roads was a bad idea and for the first time in his life, he hoped he would be wrong. But he wasn't. And Vaxus Trevelyan pays the price.

It was barely discernible at first. A slow stutter in his voice, a slight hitch to his step. To anyone but Dorian, all might have seemed normal. ‘Just fatigued from the journey’ Cassandra had assured. ‘Who wouldn’t be after that?’ Varric had added. Even Vaxus himself waved the concern off. ‘Tired’, he’d agreed with Cassandra. Yet none of these assuaged Dorian’s fears.

Each night he awoke in a cold sweat, nightmares plaguing him even behind his waking eyes. Each time he looked at his love, each time he watched Vaxus stumble or pause to catch his breath. This was not right. It was not normal. Dorian knew. He’d seen it before.

That look in the eye, that same pallid color of the once vibrant gaze he’d associated with his  _amatus_. The light in his life. That light was flickering, fading like an untended fire. It was just like Felix. That same, horrible descent into death. The inevitable becoming more real with each landmark they passed back to Skyhold.

Dorian remained unusually and painfully quiet for the duration. Tired of having his concern waved off, tired of seeing the man he loved slowly spiral away from him. Away from his grasp. Away from saving. His heart wrenched each time he looked at him until Dorian could do nothing but stare at the growing drifts of snow stretching out before them.

Until Vaxus collapsed. It was a slow thing, really. A painful topple from atop his steed. Dorian could do little but leap from his own mount, rushing forward to the groaning pile of his boyfriend in the snow. Varric and Cassandra were also off their steeds and approaching, concern awash in each face that lay eyes upon their Inquisitor.

Dorian swallowed the lump in his throat. In the time he’d spent avoiding letting his eyes linger on Vaxus, matters had taken a turn for the worse. Tears pricked behind his eyes as he cradled Vaxus in his lap, unconcerned with showing his affection in that moment. Varric and Cassandra could be damned. They didn’t listen to him anyway. He knew. He knew all along. This was his worst nightmare come reality.

“You were right,” Vaxus croaked. “We…” He coughed, wheezing to catch his breath. “We should not have gone.”

The tears threatened to spill over and Dorian tensed in a futile effort to keep them at bay. Dorian ran a hand down his cheek, noticing how pale and sickly Vaxus now looked. His stomach churned.

“For once in my life, I have never wanted more to have been  _wrong_ ,” he whispered, hoarsely.

“Perhaps we can-”

“No,” Dorian cut Cassandra off sharply. “There is no cure.” The words stung to say, but Dorian knew they were the truth. Knew if there was something that could have been done, it would have been done for Felix. And if a Tevinter Magister could not cure such an ailment, Dorian had no faith in the mages or healers of the south.

With a sharp intake of breath, Dorian reached over and snagged a dagger off of Varric’s belt. His hand wavered as he held it over the heart of his love. The soul who had made Dorian feel truly alive and happy for the first time in his life.

His warrior trembled beneath him, one hand reaching out to grasp Dorian’s wrist. Vaxus pulled the dagger closer toward his chest, a pleading look in his eye. One of regret, of sorrow, and of love.

“I…” He coughed, hands shaking as he wheezed a rattled breath. “I love you, Dorian.”

“I love you, too,  _Amatus_.”

In one swift stroke, Dorian lodged the dagger into Vaxus’ chest. A few more gasps escaped the fallen warrior, blood gurgling up in the process. Until the last gasp for air brought peace. The pain washed away from his face, head tipping away limply from Dorian.

Dorian bowed forward, curled over the body of the man he loved, tears falling freely down his cheeks. His body trembled and shook, no amount of sympathetic words or gentle touches to his shoulder from Cassandra or Varric able to calm him.


	2. Denying Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vaxus Trevelyan denied a great many things in his life following the explosion at the Conclave. Worst among them was pretending the love of his life wasn't wasting away and losing what precious little time he had left with him.

If there was one thing Vaxus Trevelyan had grown to excel at in his time as Inquisitor it was denial. When he first came to in the Haven prison, he’d denied his sister’s death. Denied that he’d lived and she’d died. When he went to his first meeting with his advisors he’d denied being the Herald of Andraste. How could someone with such dumb luck be a herald to the Maker’s prophet?

He’d denied being the Inquisitor. Once he’d finished heaving up his insides after the unexpected, and wholly unwelcome, ceremony. He’d even denied how he felt for Dorian at first. For a brief moment. But still the denial ran deep. And now. Now he could do nothing but deny the inevitable death of his fiance. Years together, and Vaxus lacked the ability to let go. He refused, just as Dorian refused. They’d both refused for far too long.

Vaxus fiddled with the ring that hung on a chain around Dorian’s neck. He sat leaned up against the window on the balcony of his room, a cool evening breeze whispering past them. Dorian lay between his legs, his head in Vaxus’ lap. There was a serene rise and fall of his chest. Vaxus tipped his head back, one hand still twirling the ring while the other lay gently over Dorian’s shoulder. He closed his eyes, wishing he’d not denied this. Wishing neither of them had denied it, had not tried to will it away by pretending it wasn’t happening.

He let out a shaky sigh, reliving memories through his mind’s eye. Reliving all the moments they’d never have a chance to do again. One tear slipped down his cheek when he opened his eyes. Gaze traveling down to the love of his life. Realization slowly creeping up through the pit of his stomach that Dorian was no longer breathing.

“I’m sorry we waited too long, love,” he murmured.

Vaxus pulled Dorian’s hand up closer, kissing the cooling knuckles and lacing their fingers together one last night. He prayed, silently, for his love to finally be at peace. And for a long time, he remained that way. Silently saying his goodbyes as quiet tears slipped down his cheeks.

“I will see you again soon,  _Amatus_ ,” Vaxus whispered. “And we’ll be together forever.”


	3. Troubling Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever since the Inquisition's trip to the Frostback Basin, Vaxus Trevelyan just cannot get the story of Ameridan out of his head. Thankfully, Dorian is around to help comfort him.

The blankets shifted and a rush of cold air danced across Dorian’s skin. He stirred with a light shiver, a yawn on his lips as he tried to will himself awake. Awake enough to check on Vaxus, at least. He glanced about with a groggy, sleep-ridden look. His eyes finally landed on Vaxus’ back on the edge of the bed. Another yawn as he sat himself up, rubbing as much sleep away from his eyes as possible.

“Amatus?” he asked, quietly. His voice still slow with just a hint of roughness. “I’m fine, Dorian,” Vaxus replied. And, in spite of his best efforts, the strain in his tone was clear. Even to Dorian’s sleep-addled brain.

Dorian tried to form the proper words to protest when Vaxus turned around, offering his most charming smile. The one he wore when talking to nobles, or when he was playing The Game at Halamshiral. Dorian frowned at him.

“You’re not fooling me,” he finally mustered.

Vaxus pursed his lips, then sighed and deflated like a burst bubble. A distant pain clouded the other man’s vision and Dorian’s frown deepened, his brow furrowing.

“You’ve been eerily quiet since we returned from the Basin.”

Vaxus turned away again, sighing as he slouched further. He rubbed one cheek absently as he stared out the window.

“I can’t get Ameridan out of my head,” he admitted.

Dorian sat up a bit more, shifting a closer to Vaxus. He shifted enough to sit behind Vaxus, wrapping his arms comfortingly around the warrior’s torso. He placed his head on his shoulder and hummed softly.

“What troubles you about him?” he asked, gently.

“I don’t even know,” Vaxus sighed. “Everything?” He leaned back into Dorian’s supportive weight, tipping his head back and closing his eyes. “It all… I still wonder. Are we doing the right thing? Will all of this, everything, be worth it in the end?” He trailed off and sighed again. Shifting his head aside, he opened his eyes to look at Dorian. “Am I just fading away into nothing? Will I be a ghost in the end, just like him?”

Dorian lifted his head up off Vaxus’ shoulder and frowned at him. He then gave the warrior a reassuring squeeze.

“Vaxus, you are  _not_ Ameridan. You are you. The man the people love, the man  _I_  love.” Dorian smiled then, that small charming grin of his. “And you have me. No matter what, I will  _not_ allow the world steal any part of you.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Not ever.”

Vaxus chuckled, a broken and awkward sound in the silence. His eyes watered and he blinked fiercly in an attempt to banish them. Turning fully, he flung his arms around Dorian in a massive bear hug. Clinging, clutching to his love like a lifeline. His only lifeline.


End file.
